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Piffle, Whimsy and Games / Re: Oh, how I love Dave Barry
« Last post by Oso on Today at 12:09:58 PM »
Dave Barry can find humor in anything!   LOL

I had a colonoscopy a few years ago and the worst part of it was trying to drink that 32 gallons of moviprep!  His description of the flavor is spot on!  I gagged when I drank it and after the first cup full I did not want anymore. My husband had to literally sit on me, pry my mouth open and force the vile concoction down my throat. My stomach was so full then, because it wasn't passing through as quick as I was being forced to drink it. I thought I was going to explode. And then I did explode. Just like Dave Barry said. I fastened my seatbelt and prepared for take off. It was one long flight.

Piffle, Whimsy and Games / Re: Oh, how I love Dave Barry
« Last post by Nath on February 23, 2017, 04:24:25 PM »
Piffle, Whimsy and Games / Re: Lunch with the Pope
« Last post by genie on February 22, 2017, 06:04:49 PM »
Oh, that's a brilliant joke! We laughed out loud!!! LOL.

Glad you liked it.

Piffle, Whimsy and Games / Oh, how I love Dave Barry
« Last post by genie on February 22, 2017, 06:02:11 PM »
I've posted some of his articles before.  I had tears in my eyes with this one.

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-litre plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a litre is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?€™ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.

At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me...

'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. Take it easy Doc. You€™re boldly going where no man has gone before.

&nb sp;

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay'

And the best one of all:

13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?

Piffle, Whimsy and Games / Re: Lunch with the Pope
« Last post by Nath on February 22, 2017, 03:46:38 PM »
Oh, that's a brilliant joke! We laughed out loud!!! LOL.
General / Re: The Man in the High Castle
« Last post by Luce on February 21, 2017, 01:07:46 PM »
Ok... Online now, I have one Castle file - downloaded from a different source.

It's 02x01.

Try that one.

Sorry, Genie, no luck. Same message: no file.

Stop trying, buddy, I'll buy the DVD!
Videos / Re: (SNL) Saturday Night Live and the White House
« Last post by Luce on February 21, 2017, 01:05:47 PM »
Glad to see you guys can still have fun! Keep it that way!
Videos / (SNL) Saturday Night Live and the White House
« Last post by genie on February 21, 2017, 11:06:57 AM »
I've never seen the new Whitehouse Press Secretary, but Melissa Macarthy does a great spoof on Sean Spicer.  Be it known that SNL is  very left leaning as is all of Hollywood and Performers in general.  I thought this was so funny.  Now, I want to go find this dude just to watch him.  Oh, what year this is going to be.

Videos / (SNL) Saturday Night Live and the White House
« Last post by genie on February 21, 2017, 11:05:51 AM »
I've never seen the new Whitehouse Press Secretary, but Melissa Macarthy does a great spoof on Sean Spencer.  Be it known that SNL is  very left leaning as is all of Hollywood and Performers in general.  I thought this was so funny.  Now, I want to go find this dude just to watch him.  Oh, what year this is going to be.

Piffle, Whimsy and Games / Lunch with the Pope
« Last post by genie on February 21, 2017, 11:00:03 AM »
  Lunch with the Pope

President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope
accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's
hat off, right into the water.
It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in
The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get
it, when Trump waved them off, saying "Never mind, boys, I'll get it."

The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat,
picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were
speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.

But that afternoon, NBC, CBS, ABC, MSNBC, CNN reported:

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10

* BBC Films

* The Guardian (Film)

  • post Saroo Brierley, the inspiration for the film Lion: 'My mother saw my face after 25 years' - 24 February
  • When he was five, he fell asleep on a train and ended up 1,000 miles from home. His journey from Indian street-child to adopted Australian is now the subject of an Oscar-tipped film. Here he and his biological mother talk about their reunionSaroo Brierley is fresh off the plane, sitting in a movie studio office overlooking Beverly Hills, once again adapting to an alien environment. The Academy Awards are on Sunday, and Los Angeles is in full Oscars mode, with limousines ferrying stars, executives and other film folk through the winter sunshine to receptions and cocktail parties.The mood is febrile. Some nominees starve themselves in order to fit into tuxes and gowns. Others get last-minute Botox injections. Soothsayers stake reputations on whether Moonlight will spoil La La Land?s expected sweep, or whether Denzel Washington will pip Casey Affleck. The Hollywood Reporter has published an article headlined: ?Nervous about the Oscars? 4 tips for dealing with panic attacks.? And of course there is Hollywood?s expected declaration of war against Donald Trump in the podium speeches. Continue reading...
  • post Forget La La Land, the real goddesses of the silver screen had substance as well as style - 24 February
  • The era was no feminist paradise for women, but stars such as Katharine Hepburn and Barbara Stanwyck proved attractive women could also be demanding and intelligentLa La Land, a favourite to win at the Oscars, has been celebrated as not only a tribute to the great films of classic Hollywood, but as a movie that might inspire audiences to rediscover them. If it does so, great. But anyone who thinks La La Land embodies the spirit of old movies hasn?t seen very many of them. It has style, but little substance. Like Woody Allen?s Caf Society, similarly hailed as a love letter to classic film, these movies may look like old Hollywood, but they lack a spine, a nerve centre. They have no backbone. When I was growing up in the 1980s, American popular culture was pretty much a wasteland of positive female images. There was no one I aspired to resemble, until I discovered classic Hollywood movies, with women such as Katharine Hepburn, Barbara Stanwyck, Jean Harlow, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford. These women radiated authority, to which I instinctively responded without knowing why. I found myself embarking on a cinematic journey through an entire era when ? temporarily ? Hollywood stopped worrying and learned to love the bombshell. Continue reading...
  • post #OscarsSoOrange? Hollywood on edge as politically charged ceremony looms - 24 February
  • For once the films have taken second billing in the leadup to Sunday?s Academy Awards, with global viewership expected to surge in anticipation of what the stars will say about Donald TrumpHollywood is girding for an onslaught against Donald Trump in what is expected to be the most politically charged Oscars in living memory.
    Instead of squirming at the hashtag #OscarsSoWhite, which has highlighted Hollywood?s lack of diversity in recent years, industry figures are gearing for a collective liberal howl against the perma-tanned president, prompting predictions the 89th Academy Awards will be remembered as #OscarsSoOrange. Continue reading...
  • post A brief history of the Oscars in viral moments they want you to forget - 24 February
  • The shocks, the cockups, the stumbles ? and anything involving John Travolta. We relive the moments everyone secretly hopes forNobody watches the Oscars to see who wins. Why would they, when the frontrunners all tend to be puddingy, little-watched middlebrow fare like The Imitation Game? No, people only watch for the cock-ups, the unexpected moments that fleetingly bring these moribund vessels of self-congratulation to life. With another ceremony about to rumble into life, let?s look at some of the most notorious moments that have gone before. Continue reading...
  • post My favorite best picture Oscar winner: The Lost Weekend - 24 February
  • Concluding our series of Guardian writers? all-time Academy picks, Benjamin Lee explains why this harrowing 1946 winner is still one of the most vital films about alcoholism ever madeWhen the Academy chooses to reward a film that revolves around an ?issue?, it?s usually one that takes said issue, smooths out any jagged edges and then uses it to bludgeon the audience into exhausted submission. Subtlety and even a vague awareness of reality are concepts that get ignored in favor of an after-school special full of simplistic preaching (*coughs* Crash *ends cough*). Related: My favorite best picture Oscar winner: Titanic Continue reading...
  • post Why Hacksaw Ridge should win the best picture Oscar - 24 February
  • Mel Gibson?s gore-laden war story is not just a crowdpleasing tale of American bravery, it?s a unique film about faith and suffering It?s the age-old story: a solitary, unlikely individual is chosen by a higher power to transcend their limitations and achieve something impossible. Against all the odds, and despite the scorn of their peers, their deep beliefs allow them to do something others cannot. They endure, they prevail and, eventually, they go down in history, remembered with reverence and awe. They do not have a say, these chosen few, they must simply follow the call of duty. But they always prevail. And so it is that I today accept my own impossible burden: to write about why a Mel Gibson film should win the best picture Oscar.For those of you who haven?t seen Hacksaw Ridge ? which may include those opposed to individuals who make antisemitic remarks or engage in domestic abuse ? let me set the thing up for you. Andrew Garfield plays Desmond Doss, a Seventh Day Adventist from Virginia. Hard-working Doss (the irony is lost on the Americans) is a patriot who volunteers to join the army after Pearl Harbor, but there?s a small complication: his religious beliefs prevent him from taking up arms. Continue reading...
  • post Isabelle Huppert: 'Men aren't afraid of women the way women are afraid of men' - 23 February
  • France?s arthouse star has received her first Oscar nomination for the rape revenge thriller Elle. She explains why her character is a ?post-feminist heroine? ? and why she wanted the controversial role that Hollywood actors wouldn?t touchIsabelle Huppert is displeased. In a soulless hotel conference room, she is due to give a TV interview about her new film, Elle. The lighting, however, is unacceptable. Huppert peers through the camera, shakes her head. There are terse exchanges, rearranged chairs. Five minutes becomes 10. The lighting is tweaked. Her frown is now a scowl. Everything is running late. Fifteen. The crew look suicidal. Twenty. And then, apparently at random, she says OK.You feel like applauding. TV lighting is often terrible, working on camera is what she does, the problem has been resolved without her hiding behind a publicist. The crew still look traumatised, but they?ll live. I?m next. Huppert, the heavyweight champion of arthouse cinema, is 5ft 3in, in a trouser suit, spectral pale, briskly civil. A friend who met her recently said she spent the whole conversation playing with her phone, but this time, after a single animated call ? dinner plans ? she tucks it into her Chanel handbag. She takes a measure of my French. We will talk in English. Continue reading...
  • post John Minchinton obituary - 24 February
  • My father, John Minchinton, who has died aged 90, was the foremost English film subtitler for more than 60 years. John started in the industry as an editor and historian and worked at Film Polski in London.Around 1964 he set up as an independent subtitler, converting a cupboard in his bedroom to hold an Editola which allowed him to view 35mm film prints and undertake the process. Between then and his retirement at the age of 88, John subtitled more than 1,600 different films (from shorts to feature length) and, as some were revised several times, there were more than 2,500 lists on his files. At his peak he was subtitling more than one feature film a week. Continue reading...
  • post Letter: Ken Grieve?s encounter with the Stasi - 24 February
  • As Carol Wilks noted, the film and TV director Ken Grieve invariably enjoyed a fine rapport with actors and crew. When a screenwriter for the 13-episode TV adaptation of Len Deighton?s Game, Set and Match (1988), I also loved working with Ken, his factual precision, instinct and sense of dramatic structure and timing always faultless. He was quiet and passionate, a great companion with a complex, generous soul.And often hilarious. Part of the filming took place under the binoculars and guns of the East German Stasi and the Russian KGB. On one research trip across the border, Ken neglected to remove a Granada TV pass from his top pocket ? instantly clocked by the guards, who spent the rest of the evening trying to hinder our progress through East Berlin and make us miss curfew at Checkpoint Charlie, which could have legitimately led to detention and interrogation. Continue reading...
  • post This year's best Oscar tat: from statuette loo-brushes to a popcorn Emma Stone - 23 February
  • Love the Academy Awards? Why not buy your own knock-off toy Oscar to present to your friends and family?The Oscars are the greatest event of the entire year. Not because we get to see true artistry celebrated on an enormous stage, nor because we get to see the world?s most beautiful people sheened and buffed and sent out before the world. No, the Oscars are great because so many different purveyors of pap always break their necks trying to cash in on them. Every year, without fail, we are presented with a torrent of piggybacking ?will-this-do? products designed to steal a sliver of spotlight away from the Academy Awards. Presented below are a few of my own personal favourites from this year?s circus. Continue reading...

* CinemaBlend

* Guardian - Film

* Recent Posts

Re: Oh, how I love Dave Barry by Oso
[Today at 12:09:58 PM]

Re: Oh, how I love Dave Barry by Nath
[February 23, 2017, 04:24:25 PM]

Re: Lunch with the Pope by genie
[February 22, 2017, 06:04:49 PM]

Oh, how I love Dave Barry by genie
[February 22, 2017, 06:02:11 PM]

Re: Lunch with the Pope by Nath
[February 22, 2017, 03:46:38 PM]

Re: The Man in the High Castle by Luce
[February 21, 2017, 01:07:46 PM]

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