* User Info

 
 
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
Did you miss your activation email?

* Who's Online

  • Dot Guests: 19
  • Dot Hidden: 0
  • Dot Users: 0

There aren't any users online.

* Downloads for Forum Members

* Board Stats

  • stats Total Members: 9
  • stats Total Posts: 10977
  • stats Total Topics: 1902
  • stats Total Categories: 6
  • stats Total Boards: 33
  • stats Most Online: 92

Author Topic: Men are this smart.  (Read 718 times)

genie

  • Monarch
  • Royalty
  • *****
  • Posts: 5668
  • oof!
Men are this smart.
« on: February 12, 2019, 05:03:42 PM »
And men always thought they were so smart! 
Not this one.


Would you marry again?



A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE:  "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND:  "Definitely not!"

WIFE:  "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND:  "Of course I do."

WIFE:  "Then why wouldn't you remarry? "

HUSBAND:  "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE:  "You would?" (with a hurt look)

HUSBAND:  (makes audible groan)

WIFE:  "Would you live in our house?"

HUSBAND:  "Sure, it's a great house."

WIFE:  "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"

HUSBAND:  "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE:  "Would you let her drive my car?"

HUSBAND:  "Probably, it is almost new."

WIFE:  "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"

HUSBAND:  "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE:  "Would you give her my jewelry?"

HUSBAND:  "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."

WIFE:  "Would you take her golfing with you?

HUSBAND:  "Yes, those are always good times."

WIFE:  "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND:  "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE:  -- silence --

HUSBAND:  "shit."

Luce

  • Royalty
  • *****
  • Posts: 2946
  • I've never been so happy in all my life...
Re: Men are this smart.
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2019, 04:35:48 AM »
 :fav002:
QUEEN UNDER THE MOUNTAIN

Nath

  • Royalty
  • *****
  • Posts: 277
Re: Men are this smart.
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2019, 12:45:01 AM »
Good one!  LOL.

Luce

  • Royalty
  • *****
  • Posts: 2946
  • I've never been so happy in all my life...
Re: Men are this smart.
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2019, 04:05:09 AM »
Hello, Nath! Always glad to hear from you! How are you, my girl?
QUEEN UNDER THE MOUNTAIN

 


* BBC Films

* The Guardian (Film)

  • post Rich territory: how class warfare is taking over the multiplex - 23 August
  • Grisly comedy horror Ready or Not joins a vicious pack of films this year that have been pitting the upper class against the poor The thing about rich people is that they need the working poor much more than the working poor need them. The new horror film Ready or Not imagines a circumstance under which the upper crust will literally ? instantaneously, violently ? cease to exist without the regular sacrifice of the underclass. The Le Domas family, a detestable group of scions to a vast fortune built on a board game empire, keep up a peculiar tradition when one of their own gets married. Before an outsider will be permitted to join their ranks, they must first play a game, which happens to be a lethal round of hide-and-seek for the hardscrabble Grace (Samara Weaving). If she loses, she will be strapped to a ceremonial tablet and gutted like a trout in tribute to Satan. If she wins, the Le Domases are convinced they will all meet their demise, so the girl?s got to go. In-laws, am I right? Related: Ready or Not review ? scrappy comedy horror is all bark and no bite Continue reading...
  • post Tarantino's gruesome revenge fantasies are growing more puerile and misogynistic | Caspar Salmon - 23 August
  • The director dials up the stomach-churning violence in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. If only he had something meaningful to say
    Warning: this story contains spoilersCompare and contrast two screen deaths. In Quentin Tarantino?s second film, Pulp Fiction in 1994, John Travolta?s Vincent Vega accidentally shoots Marvin, a minor character, in the face. The killing happens mid-sentence, in the blink of an eye; in the process Vince covers himself and his acolyte Jules in blood and guts. The scene is played for laughs and succeeds: the horror and suddenness of the event coax an appalled hilarity from viewers, exacerbated by the two hitmen?s reaction, which is to bicker about mundane practicalities.In Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Manson family member Susan Atkins, who slaughtered Sharon Tate and two others with her accomplices in 1969, is killed in self-defence by Cliff Booth (Brad Pitt) and Rick Dalton (Leonardo DiCaprio), by being beaten in the face with a tin can, savaged by a dog and torched with a flamethrower. The scene is also played for comic effect, but in a diametrically opposite way, since the intended humour derives from how prolonged and over the top the brutality is. The violence, though stomach-churning, plays out on a surreal sort of Tex Avery level. Continue reading...
  • post Stan Lee's daughter condemns Disney over Spider-Man split - 23 August
  • ?No one could have treated my father worse than Marvel and Disney?s executives,? says Joan Lee as she backs Sony in studio bust-upJoan Lee, the daughter of the late comics mogul Stan Lee, has spoken out in the wake of this week?s surprise split between studios Sony and Disney over the rights to Lee?s creation, Spider-Man.In a statement to TMZ, Joan Lee said Marvel and Disney (which bought Marvel for $4bn in 2009) need to be ?checked and balanced? in their quest for overall control of Lee?s work. Continue reading...
  • post Dear Boris Johnson, watch these six films before you rip up the Irish backstop and trigger violence | Mark Cousins - 23 August
  • In an open letter to the PM, Northern Irish film-maker Mark Cousins recommends six films, from Neil Jordan?s Angel to Bill Clinton?s eulogy to Martin McGuinness, to make him consider the consequences of no dealDear Boris Johnson,I?m a Northern Irish film-maker, living in Scotland. I have never been great at words, but have learned a lot about life through film. As it is 50 years since the start of the Troubles and, as the backstop is so topical, I thought I would send six films to you at Downing St that clarify why all this matters. Maybe you could watch them on a flight or train journey somewhere? Continue reading...
  • post Rocking the boat: how Cornish class war inspired a masterpiece - 23 August
  • Forget Poldark?s pecs ? with his film Bait, Mark Jenkin has captured the real Cornwall, a place of struggling locals and second-homeowners in simmering conflictTwenty years ago, Mark Jenkin returned to his boyhood home in north Cornwall to shoot his debut film, Golden Burn, about the tensions between local lads and the owner of a caravan park. Jenkin had been studying in Bournemouth, then living in London and would soon move back permanently. ?What?s your Cornwall?? his character asks. ?Weekend getaway, summer retreat, Cornish pasties and clotted cream, pixies? Or is it your home? Not your second home ? your only home??While he was filming in Porthcothan, Jenkin thought up another film, this one about a Cornish civil war. It was August 1999 and thousands of visitors were driving out of the county on the A30, then a single lane, after witnessing the solar eclipse. Named in tribute to Peter Watkins?s 1971 spoof documentary Punishment Park, The Holiday Park would be ?like an Ealing comedy where the locals rose up against mass tourism, ending with the military carpet-bombing the whole of Cornwall, wiping it out and starting again,? Jenkin explains. Continue reading...
  • post Jawline: behind the social media documentary about short-lived fame - 23 August
  • In a compelling new film, a 16-year-old small town boy becomes a star thanks to livestreaming and an ever-changing new world opens upSometime between 2016 and 2017 ? a distinct period, if you follow the rapid hot and colds of social media platforms ? 16-year-old Austyn Tester filmed a video just for himself. Shirtless in front of a wall in his Kingsport, Tennessee, home, Tester flicks his hair with barely contained excitement. After months of live-streaming his middle American high school life on YouNow, cultivating a following of teenage girls who tuned into him lip-syncing, dancing or just hanging out, Tester received interest from a talent manager. Clutching himself and spinning around, he tumbled through a series of revelations. ?This is before I?m famous!? He leaned into the selfie lens. ?It is 10.06pm. I?m not famous right now. Hopefully I?ll be famous soon.? Related: The Obamas' first film: will American Factory be the biggest documentary of 2019? Continue reading...
  • post Miley Cyrus: I was fired from Hotel Transylvania over penis cake photos - 23 August
  • Actor-singer says Sony let her go from family animation after seeing images of her licking a phallic gateau bought for her then-boyfriend Liam HemsworthMiley Cyrus claims she was fired from children?s animation Hotel Transylvania after posing with a penis-shaped cake purchased for her then-boyfriend?s birthday.Listing a series of her lowest points on Twitter on Thursday, Cyrus ? who started her career as a Disney Channel star ? said she was ?kicked off Hotel Transylvania for buying Liam a penis cake and licking it?. Continue reading...
  • post Bombshell: first trailer for star-studded Fox News drama released - 21 August
  • Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman and Margot Robbie aim for Oscars in the retelling of how Roger Ailes was brought downThe trailer for Bombshell has revealed our first official look at Charlize Theron as Megyn Kelly and Nicole Kidman as Gretchen Carlson. Related: The Loudest Voice review ? Russell Crowe flounders as Roger Ailes Continue reading...
  • post Woody Allen's Rainy Day in New York to open Deauville film festival - 21 August
  • Romance whose release was cancelled by Amazon set to enjoy highest-profile platform to date, ahead of distribution in France, Italy and elsewhere A Rainy Day in New York, Woody Allen?s romantic comedy dropped by distributor Amazon in the wake of the #MeToo movement, is to open the Deauville American film festival next month.The film, which stars Timothée Chalamet and Elle Fanning, will have its highest profile booking so far at the festival, which begins on 6 September. Shot in 2017, the movie, about a young couple?s inauspicious weekend break in Manhattan, fell victim to the taint of a renewed accusation of molestation by Allen made by his adopted daughter, Dylan Farrow. Continue reading...
  • post Dwayne Johnson named highest earning male actor of the year - 21 August
  • Wrestler turned movie star made $89m in the last 12 months, positioning him above Chris Hemsworth and Robert Downey JrDwayne Johnson has been named Hollywood?s highest paid male actor for the second year in a row.According to Forbes, the former wrestler has earned an estimated $89.4m in the last 12 months thanks to roles in Fast & Furious spin-off Hobbs and Shaw, action thriller Skyscraper and his HBO comedy Ballers, which makes him $700,000 an episode. A large portion of his wealth is down to a lucrative back-end deal that sees him earning up to 15% of the box office from his films. Continue reading...

* CinemaBlend

* Guardian - Film

* Recent Posts

Re: August, 22 by Luce
[Today at 04:07:35 AM]


Re: Granny Duty by blueeyedbookworm
[August 22, 2019, 07:34:56 PM]


Re: August, 22 by Oso
[August 22, 2019, 05:04:42 PM]


Re: August, 22 by genie
[August 22, 2019, 02:41:12 PM]


Re: August, 22 by Luce
[August 22, 2019, 11:51:44 AM]


Re: August, 22 by genie
[August 22, 2019, 10:43:27 AM]

* Calendar

August 2019
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 [23] 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31

No calendar events were found.