The Final Tears
“I don’t think men get nervous. Except perhaps on their first time.”
“That is a beautiful memory, never forgotten?”
“A man’s first time isn’t easy to forget, but in different ways, then you’re thinking.”
“Really?” She looked sad as if his reminiscence was something to be cherished.
“I think most men never live down their gross incompetence of that first experience. Is there something on your mind?”
“Are you competent now?”
“Squeaks, exactly what are you asking me?” Kip picked up speed to get home.
“I think we should approach step four. That is the step where one confesses whatever the other should know. You know … such as … other people, they have been with, secrets that they have kept, titles that they have, and …” She was interrupted.
“Bloody hell.” Kip pulled on the reins and brought the coach quickly to a stop. He turned to stare at her.
She was smiling. “I guessed, didn’t I? Your face says it’s something like that.”
“Youuuu … guessed?” Kip huffed out in astonishment.
“Even though I am small, I do have a modicum of intelligence and woman’s intuition. I don’t need swirling images to see things, although I did.”
“What …?” Kip shouted in disbelief.
What is happening? Maybe I am insane.
“I’ve been wondering how to tell you. I hardly believe it myself. Mary came to me in a dream soon after I was rescued.”
Kip took her shoulders and shook them. “Please, don’t make fun of that part of my life.”
“But she did. That is the truth.”
“I don’t believe you. I’m sorry, but I don’t. I am surprised that you could be this … this disrespectful.”
“Kip … Trevor … whatever your real name is, did your sister meet her death wearing a white sundress with yellow flowers and green leaves? Did she have green eyes like you and light hair? Did she have a cameo ring that she liked to wear?”
Kip was stunned beyond measure, and words were nowhere to be heard. He sat there staring at her wondering how any of this was possible. He still hadn’t accepted completely all that had been happening to him.
“Kip, are you all right?”
“I’m not sure. Can we not talk until we get home?”
“I’m sorry. It took a while for me to believe it, too. I thought you would be happy to hear that.”
The remainder of the ride was quiet. Squeaks could see his mind was elsewhere. She slid toward the center, effectively pushing him to the side and took the reins herself. The slow clip-clop of hooves seemed surprisingly loud, within their silence. She wondered if she should have told him. His sister Mary had appeared to her in a dream. Squeaks was frightened at first until Mary showed herself with her brother. Squeaks sensed she had entered her head when Kip was drawing her portrait at their picnic. Kip’s life with Mary played out in front of her. The images were joyful for both. Squeaks could see his love for his sister and the home he lived in and the way he was reared. He had to be of peerage. She was shown Mary’s death, and the ultimate payment exacted upon Kip.
Upon awakening, Squeaks was able to remember it and quickly wrote it down. Over the following weeks, Kip’s reasons for being a coachman became clear. Loving him as she did, Squeaks knew her life would dramatically change. She worried herself many nights thinking about it. Kip’s love finally pulled her through all the decisions she was facing in her future. She wasn’t sure how Kip would ask her to be his wife and be accepted by his family, but she loved him and put her faith in him. Perhaps, it was her place to decline. She knew she could bring nothing to that family but embarrassment. Kip loved her but was he doing right by his heritage?
When they reached his stable, Kip jumped down and walked into his house, leaving Squeaks on the bench. A minute later, he was back, apologizing for not thinking she was there. He tethered the team but did not unharness them.
Squeaks entered his back door behind him. He still wasn’t talking. She found her way to the parlor and sat on a shabby sofa. Suddenly, she had a glass handed to her. She smelled it. It was scotch. She hadn’t much liked that drink, yet. Kip settled in a chair across from her.
“I think I am ready to hear about your dream,” Said Kip, pinching the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb.
“Does that mean that my vision is confirmed. I have my own doubts, too.”
“Yes, you were right on all points. Proceed.”
“First, I want to say, we would have been great friends. She was a beautiful and warm person. She showed me how close the two of you were. It was through those images that I made my guess about possibly a noble heritage.” Still sipping his drink, Squeaks watched as Kip’s eyes watered, but he remained attentive and silent.
“I think she loves me, too.”
With that statement, Kip set his glass on the floor, laid his head back on the chair, placing his hands on his face. It seemed an eternity before he spoke.
“I am sure she would have loved you. Is there more?”
“Some. She showed me her death. I have no words strong enough for the gruesome fate she suffered. Mary was not conscious most of the time, so she only showed me small aspects of her ordeal. There were no images of the rape that you mentioned. She made me aware of the suffering that you endured. You don’t know how saddened that made her. She loved you so much that she would not move on until you forgave yourself.”
Kip stood and started pacing the floor listening. He refilled his glass. Returning, he sat beside Squeaks.
“There isn’t much more except she said you have a surprise for me. It pleased her, I think.”
“She teases me from the grave. That sounds like something you would do.” Kip took Squeaks’ drink and swallowed it. Taking her in his arms, he buried his face in her hair and shed his final tears. She wrapped her arms around him the best that she could and held him tight.
“Should I have told you? Will you be happy now that you know?”
“No one can understand how I feel. The two women whom I have loved most seemed to meet each other in a dream I never had. Both women care and love me. The passing of one led to the coming of the other.
“I still want to marry you, but that’s impossible.” Squeaks looked forlorn. “I don’t think I will accept. I would bring untold awkwardness to your family to speak nothing of your long ancestry. I’ve been thinking about it for weeks.”
“My father has given me his blessing. It wouldn’t have mattered if he hadn’t. My love for you is so deep, I shall never see daylight. You possess me. Wait . . . what do you mean, impossible?”
“Do you know of other marriages by nobles in our situation? I mean marrying into a different class?”
“Yes, there are many instances down through history where the couple married for love. It was most difficult for the females as they would follow the commoner’s way of life if they had little wealth. Sons born into nobility suffered little if any long term effect. I cannot say it will be easy, but I made that decision when I left home and became a coachman. I will still inherit my title, and you will gain one as well.”
“Will I have to take a test of some sort? I don’t even know what the second fork is used for. Can you see me setting an example for staff?”
Kip sat there laughing. “Eventually, you will learn those proper ways and a bit of our history, too.”
“Not history about those red and white roses and which King followed another King? However, I do know which King was the last one to ride into battle with his warriors.”
“That would be Richard III at the battle of Bosworth. See, you are on your way.”
Squeaks’ smile spread across her small face. “Do you think people will call us ‘Tall and Small?”
Kip laughed. “That’s entirely possible from our mates.”
“Am I too small for you?”
“It won’t be easy to kiss you being a foot below me. I shall endeavor not to trip over you. Do you have any other meaning? Wait …you mean something else, don’t you?”
Squeaks looked down at her hands in her lap, hoping he would know what she meant. Kip released a roar of laughter as her remark became clear. “Are you hinting at step five?”
“I think so.” Squeaks couldn’t look into his face.
“Probably. The doctor will have to examine us both. I’ve been working up the courage to see a specialist and … and … have things … umm … reduced.” Kip thought he would die watching the expression of horror on her face. Then he realized she could be serious and smiled.
“Never mind the doctor, I’ll take care of that myself.” Squeaks folded her arms and sulked. “Where is my surprise?”
“Hold on my little prodigy. What do you mean you’ll take care of that yourself?”
“I know where the gelding tool is,” she laughed.
“Patience, milady. Those are harsh words for someone who belongs on a tuffet. And, you have your surprise. I am sure Mary was aware of your Kipling livery which you are wearing.”
He smirked. “Just, oh?”
“Take me to your bed.”
“We can kiss fine right here.”
“Will you at least light the fire?”
“Which fire would that be? There’s seems to be plenty of heat to go around.”
“Why are you making this so difficult? Most of the time, you want to hold me until I can no longer breathe. Why are you teasing me?”
“Because I love you and I am happy. This day will never come again. Let us not let it slip through our fingers too quickly. The first thing you must know, which your father is correct, is that at this particular juncture, the man makes the first advancement and likely all the others. You cannot have your way at this point. You have no experience.”
“Doesn’t it come naturally or are you saying a woman isn’t capable?”
“If that’s the way you want it. Fine. I’ll light the fire, and you can begin.”
“I don’t think so. You wanted it, now you’ve got it. You must strike while the fire is hot, but you knew that, of course.”
“But our iron never cools. All right.” While Kip was building a fire, Squeaks removed her tails. boots, hose, and cravat. She laid the still unopened gold watch on a side table.
Kip rose from the fire pit and turned around. Seeing squeaks without tails and boots, he remarked, “Off to a poor beginning, I see. I’m sorry. Do continue. What would you wish me to do? Dress down to where you are?”
“Yes … er … no.”
“Should we start kissing?”
Kip spit out laughter. “Soon, huh? All right.” He stood there in front her watching the modicum of intellect and woman’s intuition work it’s magic while wearing a frown.
Squeaks approached him. She stood on the sofa and pulled him back to her where she removed his tails. She laid them nicely over the back of a chair.
“How am I doing?”
“Poorly?” She turned him toward her and pulled his shirt from his trousers.
“I beg your pardon, milady. You are halfway through and haven’t even found the beginning. Where is the passion? Why are our desires not building? Where is the titillating kiss to my mouth or the side of my neck? Where is the excitement in your eyes instead of that frown? When does my arousal arrive? Why can’t I stop laughing at this?”
Squeaks sat down on the sofa feeling dejected. “My father said I was headstrong like my mother.”
“He is a wise man, that Clyde. The beginning of lovemaking comes from the heart and body, not the mind. You’re thinking of what to do, not reacting to what you feel.”
Kip sat beside her and lifted her chin with his finger. She was still frowning. He encouraged her to stand in front of him. He removed her skirt, leaving her trousers and shirt. He removed his own boots and hose.
Squeaks was lifted to his lap, facing him. He kissed her sweetly and pointed to his cravat. Squeaks did the honors. “You see, I would have liked to have removed your clothes. However, … there are still a few more. They’re all going this time. Did not that kiss begin stirrings?” He pulled her shirt from her trousers.
“This is convenient, isn’t it? We have the same livery.”
“Not quite, Sweets.”
Kip pulled her fiercely to his mouth, savoring her soft sounds. He heard her breath escape. Again, he took her mouth and pressed for entry. She accepted his advance as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Slowly, disorientation took hold for her. She felt her shirt giving quarter. Kip smothered her mouth with devouring hunger. His lips were warm and wet, and they covered her mouth. He lightly nipped and sucked on her bottom lip before parting her lips with his tongue. Kip was pulling her face hard against his. He tightened her to his frame, introducing his rigid manhood to her. He unpinned her hair.
Removing her shirt, Kip saw the new corset. Her ivory shoulders, neck, and cleavage unfolded before him causing his heart to start hammering even faster. Kip wrapped his arms around her backside and, with a sustained pressure she was powerless to resist, moved her high and hard against him. He positioned himself at the apex of her thighs.
She softly moaned and closed her eyes. Squeaks fell softly against his chest. He had longed to show her what she was capable of feeling. Her journey was beginning.
He stood Squeaks up and removed his trousers and hers. She was barely conscious of what was happening. He set her down before she fell and unlaced her corset that bound her beautiful breasts, leaving her in the lace knickers he had bought for her. Kip leaned back against the sofa and brought her to his lap once again. The smooth ivory neck that had beckoned him for weeks was within reach. As he kissed and licked her neck, his hands found her breasts. He kneaded her softly while his thumbs gently massaged the pink beaded tips, eliciting cooing sounds from her. As he held her, he felt her muscles lose all resistance.
Drawing one nipple into his mouth, a gasp was heard while he savored her. She became a ragdoll with her head listing to one side. She was exquisite in her response to him. With no shame, he pulled her against him once again, rocking her; spilling himself.
Kip lifted her in his arms and laid Squeaks in front of the fire; then slipped off his and her undergarments.
He paused, wanting to hold this image with the flames from the fire casting their shadows against her porcelain skin. Kneeling, he gently nudged her thighs apart.
Squeaks, with much humility, tried to decline but when Kip’s mouth covered hers, she unlocked the gate.
“Kip, I’m afraid.”
“I know you are. Have I hurt you in any way?” He whispered into her ear.
“No, but this is embarrassingly intimate. In my dreams of this moment, I didn’t feel this hesitation.”
“This is the other part of your life that you have waited twenty years to experience. Do you wish me to stop? There will come a time when I cannot. That will happen to you, as well, if I am competent,” he smiled.
“My nerves are all tingly.”
“Then I am competent. That is desire building. I am way ahead of you in that area of passion, but I am taking my time with you, and drawing out every ounce of pleasure you can sustain. I love your every sound, gasp and moan. I wait to see your body move in reaction to how I please you. A man in love lives for that.”
“When is step five? I want something more. My muscles are tightening. I feel heat. I am very aware that your knees are between my thighs right now.”
“Sweets, this is only the overture. My heart has begun its strumming. Soon you will become my violin. I will tune your pitch and play your sensual strings. They will vibrate and quiver for me. I will hold you there and sustain your ascent.
“Isn’t it supposed to hurt?”
“It should be of short duration and only moderately discomforting. We’re not near there yet.”
“Well, can you not do something about my fidgeting? It almost hurts. Please! Do something.”
I want to laugh so badly right now. She doesn’t know how amusing she can be. I will not let her spoil her finest moments.
Kip had to bite his lip watching her frown at him. Immediately, he covered her mouth to quiet her. The kiss was violent, his tongue was thrusting into her, sweeping her mouth, nibbling her lips and then he was gone.
Squeaks next conscious moment found him suckling her breasts, First one and then the other.”
“Oh, Kip. You’re doing that really makes me aware of myself in … umm … in another place.”
“I love you telling me what you feel.”
Kip slid down and took his first lick through the curls. Squeaks jerked and arched her back without her own knowledge. He nudged her legs further apart. Her succulent little button was waiting for his attention. He lifted her to his mouth while holding her steady. Her hands were in his hair and then on his shoulders trying to push him away.
“Do horses do this? I’m embarrassed. “Her voice was whiney, and her face grimaced with confusion.
“Don’t push me away. Don’t think I don’t love doing this to you. I would live here if I could. This brings me as much pleasure as it will to you. I want this so badly for both of us. Try to lay still.”
“You must be jesting. Oh, my God,” Squeaks shrieked as Kip began in earnest.
Slowly and gently, he licked and suckled her womanhood, drawing out her pleasure for many long minutes. Her body movements slowed as she lost her inhibitions. When her sounds of breathing accelerated, she began to lightly thrash. He knew she was entering delirium.
“Talk to me. I don’t know what this feels like for you.” Kip knew she only existed in the world he was creating with the tip of his tongue. She was lost, and only he could guide her home.
She clung to him as intoxication coursed through her. Her gasps and moans had quickened. Her legs were quivering. “I’m … lost … my god.”
Everything crested with the intense pleasure rolling through her until her consciousness existed on a different plain.
The sensation, so shattered her, that she called Kip’s name in alarm. “Kip!”
Her bountiful breasts were heaving as Kip watched her floating back to the awareness of her own existence.
“You went over the precipice of desire, sweets. I wanted you to experience the ecstasy of my loving you.” Kip pulled her up against his body, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Kissing her madly and possessively. She was weakened, disoriented, legs still shaking, bosom heaving. “You had better get used to this.”
She slumped against him, breathing hard, still gulping air.
Kip looked at her lost little face, her unfocused eyes and scattered hair. “Are you ready for the final act?”
“Final act?” Squeaks whined, still being adrift.
“I love that smile on your face. It must mean I am competent. There’s more my sweet.”
“I will never live through it. Am I really smiling? I need rest. My nerves and withers aren’t ready for another fight.”
“A fight? I thought I was pleasuring you.”
“Too much so, unlike anything … ah … er … anything at all. You did that to me. You made me soar out of my world. I tried to fight it, but I lost control of myself.”
“You are supposed to lose control of yourself and all else. I wanted you to cast off all earthly feelings and exist just for me.”
“There is nothing that approaches where you sent me. One feels unworthy of such bliss.”
“No, my love. That’s one way a man shows his woman his love for her. I need to possess you, and that is inborn and cannot be denied me.”
“And there’s more? Of course! You storm my battlements, and run me through with your sword.”
“Don’t say it like that That isn’t romantic talk. You’ll make me self-conscious. This is my branding, I mentioned.”
She’s going to make me laugh before this is over. That will not do.
Kip laid her back down and lowered himself to her moist opening. Nudging her legs again, he took the first light touch. Squeaks put her hands through his hair.
It took no time for Squeaks to regain her feminine longing. She started to tremble.
Kip knew she was prepared to receive him. He lifted up, placing himself at the door of dreams. He inserted himself partially and Squeaks clenched herself there. It was heavenly for him. She was small, though.
“Are you all right so far?”
“Yes. I want you inside of me no matter how it feels.”
Kip thrust further meeting her virginity. Looking into her eyes, he pushed through the barrier, as he watched her eyes squeeze tightly and a grimace appeared. There was only a small moan from her. He continued until he was fully immersed in her velvet sheath.
“The worst is over. Are you still feeling well?”
“Yes,” she replied with closed eyes and a raspy voice.
Kip began his thrusting movement slowly, allowing her body to take him smoothly and without fear. Her pleasure should start any moment … and it did.
“Feel me, my love. Enjoy me.” He saw the smile appear. His movements increased. Squeaks began to rise up to meet him, encouraging a faster pace. He couldn’t believe this was going to be his life. He watched her closed eyes and face until the moment came. As she moaned out his name, he completed his own release with a shudder, after her.
Nothing exists but this moment.
Moments passed with only the sound of panting from them both.
“Hail, the Conquering Hero!” Squeaks whispered aloud.
He kissed her deeply as she lay there breathing hard. “I love you so very much.” Kip moved to the side, so she could take her air. “Ever since I’ve known you, I have dreamed of this, our first time together.”
“How did we do, Kip?”
“The question is, how did I do?” he asked her.
“You couldn’t tell? Why are you smiling?”
“You are the most sensuous, responsive and beautiful person in my life.
They stayed in each other’s arms for almost an hour. Squeaks dozed for a bit, and Kip was making plans for the future in his mind. Nothing ever in his life could match this day. From the Steeplechase until now. He must marry her soon. Chances were slim that she was pregnant this first time, but he wanted her in his bed.
Kip slipped from the hearth area and brought back a cloth and a basin of water. He had washed and brought fresh water for Sweets.
Missing him, she slowly came awake.
“I am going to clean you.” He waited for a denial; it didn’t come. He sat beside her with the wet cloth. As he parted her thighs to clean her, there was evidence of her innocence. “You know, you were right.”
“I was. About what?”
“About riding astride. You were still intact. Although, we both knew that before seeing it.”
“Will you stop saying that. You make me laugh every time. This is a moment I have waited my whole life to do. Don’t spoil it for me. Let me see, here. Yes, you’re clean. Let’s get you out off this floor.”
“It’s mussed. I don’t want you lying here.”
“What will your cleaning lady think?”
“I’ll dispose of this small carpet.”
“Good. With your noble history, I don’t want that going up on some trophy wall.”
“What am I going to do with you? Hurry up and get dressed. I have something to show you.”
“Is it the watch?”
“Well … almost.”
Kip slipped her watch into his pocket and walked her out to his stable.
“This is a grand stable, Kip.”
“This is our grand stable, Sweets.”
“This tack room is suffocating with horse accessories, oils, lotions, and the like,” Squeaks said as she paraded around the room.
“Are you sure you will marry me?” Squeaks asked.
“And we share everything?”
“Yes, as we did this most fervid afternoon.”
“So, does that mean that I get either Warrior or Soldier or half of both?”
“Well, as much as I love you, I cannot give you my horses.”
“So, I come second in your life?”
“What is that noise. Oh, that’s the horse you are stabling for a friend, right?”
“Right. Care to see him?”
The two walked down to the end of the stable holding hands.
“Oh, Kip! It’s another Friesian and he’s white. He’s beautiful. He’s young. He’s exquisite. What’s his name?”
“Who? Whose is it? Is it mine? Is it mine?” Squeaks was jumping up and down.
“He’s yours, Rebecca. All yours,” Kip smiled, never seeing her so glowing. “You know, I am quite put out that you should look more radiant now than about half an hour ago.”
“Oh! Well, being both the most magnificent gifts in my life, I have to say that Hero will last longer,” she giggled.
“I guess we will just have to see about that. I’m not called the Almighty for nothing,” he gleamed. He took her hand and walked her into the stall where Hero was, pulled her to his chest and kissed her long and lovingly.
“Hero is too much. I can’t parade around with a horse like him.”
“I have money. You know that now. I’ve wanted you to have one almost since I’ve known you.”
“When can I ride him?”
“He’s saddle ready but too young to pull a carriage. You can take him home today, tied to the coach, but you should work him first.”
“Oh, Kip. Thank you. Thank you. What a day this has been. One life-turning event after another. You’ve made me the happiest woman in the world. Please, no more gifts. As wonderful as they are, I am not used to being showered with presents. I will become selfish quite quickly. Let me take the time to get acquainted with your lifestyle. Don’t spoil me anymore. I mean that. Can I have my watch now?”
Kip pulled the chain and watch from his pocket, laughing and smiling at her, while he swung it before her eyes.
Squeaks grabbed at it with both hands and slowly opened the back case where the engraved words were revealed.
Reign over my Reins,
My Beloved Rebecca
You Are My Life
“You know, I love you, my noble coachman.”